hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
