erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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