I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is wine microwaveable?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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