I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
