I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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