sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
