hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
