So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
