Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
