I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
