i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
