the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
