What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
