Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
