Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
