one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
