dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
