dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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