We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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