Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I see more hoeing in ur future
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
