If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
