I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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