I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
