Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
