If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
