i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
