Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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