My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
