Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
