dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I didn't notice because vodka
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
