I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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