Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
