I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
