I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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