i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
