atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
