I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
