Don't you send me to vm
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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