Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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