Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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