She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
