I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
