physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
