I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Your penis caused this!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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