I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
