OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
