yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
