I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
