Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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