I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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